Why true love won't find you when you least expect it

In recent years, I’ve become the chronically single friend. I hear, "I can’t really imagine you with a guy!" on a regular basis. Which is:

a) Rude!
b) Legit (I can’t imagine myself with a guy either.)

If you find yourself in a similar situation – which, let’s be real, by pure rules of probability these days, is very possible – I hope this makes you feel seen. Or at the very least, a little less alone.

I’ve dabbled in dating here and there and quickly learned that by choosing the wrong people, I’ve often felt lonelier than ever. It was never really about the boyfriends, girlfriends, or the endless search for someone to desperately mold into the shape that could fill the gaping hole somewhere deep in my chest.

People love to give me advice (despite me not asking for it). "You have to put yourself out there!" "Tinder worked wonders for us!" "You should try a run club!" And the worst one: "True love will come when you least expect it."

Here’s the thing: There is nothing fundamentally wrong with me (if we’re comparing me to a larger group of moderately scarred humans). I’m so tired of hearing that love comes when you least expect it, and in the meantime, I should be "focusing on myself."

I’ve DONE the work! I work out regularly. I have a decent job that pays for the roof over my head. I have hobbies and a solid sense of self. I’m constantly educating myself – both in school and in life. I’m an okay cook, I have a savings account, and I rarely drink. I’ve started therapy. I’m healing, learning to communicate how I feel. I’ve made a beautiful life for myself, and the only thing missing is someone to share it with.

So what more do I have to do for the universe to grant me this thing that everyone else seems to stumble into so easily? Am I supposed to be alone? Is that the message? Can you PLEASE stop making me feel like I constantly need to fix something in myself to find what comes so naturally to others?

Am I doing something wrong? Probably. Considering my blatant & outright refusal of dating apps (I hate the idea of selling the idea of myself, like a product), I’m sabotaging the main pathway of human connections. (I never liked quick fixes or simple gratifications anyway.)

But here’s what I’ve come to realize: while I’m still waiting for that romantic connection to come into my life, I’m not lacking love. In fact – I am so full of it. I feed stray animals, support local shelters, write love letters, leave tips, support small businesses, and check on my friends constantly. I help where I can. And the best part? This love constantly finds its way back to me!

I'll never stop expecting it, because love is at the core of everything I do and who I am. However, I’m working on reframing what it means. I’m tired of waiting and hoarding all this love I have inside me for a special someone who may or may not ever show up. I don’t want all this perfectly good love to go to waste!

So, while I may not have that fairy-tale love story just yet, I have a community of friends who remind me daily that love comes in many forms. They’re the ones who truly see me—who hold space for me when I can’t even hold it for myself. They pick me up when I’m falling apart, listen to me repeat the same worries over and over without ever making me feel like a burden. They remind me of who I am when I forget and show up for me constantly and without question - every single day. In many ways, this is a love that fills the spaces I didn’t even realize were empty. It might not be what I expected to find and nurture at 24, but it’s genuine, and right now, that’s more than enough

It turns out true love won’t find you when you least expect it—it's, in fact, not out there searching for you. It’s within you and all around you, and you should consider that while you’re on this journey to find it, it’s easy to trip over what has been right in front of you.